bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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