God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
