I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
