My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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