I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.