i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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