I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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