Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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