it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
