There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
