Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
