Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
