will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
