everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Two words: nipple clamps
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