your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
