I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
