I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
