i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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