You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
