Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
