Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
