I'm eating all of the evidence.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
