ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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