Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
