Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
