hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Damn victory sex feels great
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