I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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