I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
