Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
