I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Couch. On fire.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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