remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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