I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so much tequila, so little girl.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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