iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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