you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
