I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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