There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
