My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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