No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
