dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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