there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
