Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
