How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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