I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Only a mothe r could love this liver
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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