My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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