well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize