the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just had sex bonerless
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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