Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I will pee on everything he values.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
