So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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