a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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