I'm really into asian looking animals
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
