Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
