some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I could fuck to npr.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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