My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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