Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize