You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
