I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
