If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
