i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
