Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
