bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
