planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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