Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
