I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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