Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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